,,

Mama said ‘I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at him.’
That’s because my eyes were always closed before.

Closed against the hands which grasp past my teeth like pliers and pinch shut the larynx that would dare speak against them
Closed against the seeing-through-me fogged eyes like I’m politics they disagree with instead of a woman to love
Closed because I can’t shut my ears against the promises they want me to believe without keeping
Closed against seeing my carefully tended garden of ‘this is who I am’ shredded roots all over the ground with the grass growing down instead because it’s the only safe place to be

But it’s not only that

It’s not only that you’re the first person in the world I can see without hazard goggles even though we invented chemistry itself
It’s not just that I have to keep looking for all the glory you see in me
It’s also that you’re the universe’s most perfect explosion of cells and stardust and I’d never forgive myself if I blinked

Because I swear my throat finds your shoulder the safest place to hide
And I swear my lips purse around the back of your neck in my sleep
And your hands know how to turn back the sod and comb through the grass and flowers and coax them into taking light again

You’re the only only only only only person I need to memorize
You have this arrangement
Your kiss is the one that told me ‘I heard you can build houses out of hope and I want to try it side by side.’

 C. Amber, ”The Upswing of Downtrodden” (via caramelwritings)

When She Says She Can't Leave She Means She Doesn't Know How

daydreamsonlooseleafpaper:

Kitchen tap drips,
Momentum of the day trips,
Half past six and the sun sinks,
I love you one,
I love you two,
I love you three.

Thirteen glass clinks,
Sight starts to dip,
Put me to sleep please, I’m on the brink,
Of falling,
One sheep,
Two sheep,
Three sheep,
Four.

Voices raised…

  • people: you just want everything to be gay
  • me: yes